Care of children in New Zealand, parenting orders and the Family Court

Last updated 23 June 2026. This is general information, not legal advice.

When parents separate, the hardest question is the care of the children. New Zealand law sets out a clear path for sorting it out, and the great majority of families settle it without ever seeing a courtroom. The old words custody and access are now called day-to-day care and contact, but the underlying questions are the same. This guide explains how care arrangements work, the free help available, and what happens if you do need the Family Court. Everything here ties back to the Care of Children Act 2004 and guidance from the Ministry of Justice.

The child’s best interests come first

The single principle that runs through the whole of this area of law is that the welfare and best interests of the child are the first and paramount consideration. Not the rights of the mother, not the rights of the father, the wellbeing of the child. Every decision a court makes, and the way you are expected to approach an agreement, starts from there.

That includes the child’s own views. Children are entitled to have a reasonable opportunity to express their views on decisions that affect them, and to have those views taken into account in a way that suits their age and maturity. It does not mean a child gets to simply choose, but their voice matters.

The words the law uses now

The old words custody and access are gone. The law now talks about day-to-day care, which is who the child lives with and when, and contact, which is the time a child spends with the parent or other important person they are not living with at that moment. Day-to-day care can be shared.

Separate from care is guardianship. A guardian is responsible for the big decisions in a child’s life, their name, their schooling, their medical treatment, their culture and religion, and where they live. Usually both parents are guardians and stay guardians after separation, even if the child mainly lives with one of them. Guardians are meant to consult each other on the important decisions, and disagreements between guardians can themselves be taken to the Family Court.

Shared care and who else can be involved

One of the biggest fears separating parents have is losing their children. It is worth saying plainly. There is no rule that care goes to the mother, or to the father. Neither parent starts ahead. Day-to-day care is often shared between two homes, sometimes close to equally, and the arrangement is built around what works for the child rather than a set formula. Equal or near-equal shared care is common and normal.

Two other points clear up frequent confusion. First, care and money are separate. Who the child lives with is decided under the Care of Children Act, while child support is worked out separately by Inland Revenue, so settling one does not settle the other. Second, it is not only parents who can be involved. Grandparents and other significant adults in a child’s life can apply to the Family Court for contact, and in some cases day-to-day care, usually with the court’s leave.

Agreeing it yourselves

The best arrangements are the ones the parents make themselves, because they are flexible, they avoid the cost and stress of court, and children do better when their parents are not at war. Many families write a parenting plan, a practical document setting out where the children live, the contact arrangements, holidays, schooling, how decisions get made, and how the parents will communicate.

A parenting plan made this way is not automatically a court order, but it can be turned into one by consent if you both want the certainty. The Ministry of Justice publishes a free Parenting Plan Workbook you can work through together, available online or by phoning 0800 224 733.

Family Dispute Resolution, now free

A good parenting plan usually covers where the children live and the day-to-day care, the contact schedule including weekdays and weekends and handovers, holidays and special occasions, schooling and health and other big decisions, and how the parents will communicate and change the plan when life moves on.

If you cannot agree on your own, the next step is Family Dispute Resolution, known as FDR. It is a mediation service where a trained, neutral mediator helps you and the other parent work towards an agreement about the children. It is confidential, and it is designed to keep families out of court.

There has been a significant change here. Since 1 July 2025, Family Dispute Resolution mediation is free for everyone, fully funded by the Ministry of Justice, with up to 12 hours of support available. It used to be means tested, with many parents having to pay. That barrier is gone, which makes FDR the obvious first move when you are stuck.

Alongside FDR is the Parenting Through Separation course, a short, free course that gives separating parents practical information about helping their children through the change. It is widely available and, as you will see, you usually need to have done it before you can go to court.

Applying for a Parenting Order

When agreement and mediation do not work, you can ask the Family Court for a Parenting Order. This is a formal order that sets out the day-to-day care and contact arrangements, and once made it is legally binding.

For an ordinary application, on notice to the other parent, you usually have to show two things. First, that you have attended Family Dispute Resolution within the last 12 months. Second, that you have completed the Parenting Through Separation course within the last two years. These requirements are the system’s way of making sure court is genuinely the last resort.

A filing fee applies to a Parenting Order application, currently $251, but if you cannot afford it you can apply for a fee waiver on the grounds of financial hardship. Fees can change, so check the current figure when you apply. The court process can take time, and a judge will focus throughout on what arrangement is in the child’s best interests.

Urgent without notice applications

The mediation and course requirements fall away when there is a genuine emergency. If a child is at risk of harm, or there is a real risk that the child will be removed from New Zealand or moved somewhere to frustrate contact, you can apply to the Family Court without notice, meaning the other parent is not told in advance and the matter is dealt with urgently.

Without notice applications are taken seriously and are only for real urgency, typically involving family violence or a serious and immediate risk to the child. If your situation involves family violence, you can also seek a Protection Order, and you should get advice quickly. In an emergency, call 111.

Moving towns or overseas with a child

Where a child lives is a guardianship decision, so one parent cannot simply move the child to another town or overseas against the other guardian’s wishes. If you want to relocate with the children and the other parent does not agree, the decision can be put to the Family Court, which weighs the move against the child’s best interests, including the effect on the child’s relationship with the other parent.

Taking a child overseas needs the agreement of all guardians. If you fear the other parent will remove the child from New Zealand without consent, you can apply to the Family Court, urgently and without notice if needed, for an order preventing removal. A separate border alert can be requested so that border staff are notified. The order on its own does not automatically flag the border, so the alert has to be asked for as well.

A lawyer for your child and free advice

In a contested case the court will usually appoint a Lawyer for the Child, an independent lawyer whose job is to represent the child’s interests and make sure the child’s views are heard. The cost is met by the court in the first instance. Parents can later be asked to contribute, commonly up to a third each, although a parent on Legal Aid usually pays nothing.

You can also get free legal help yourself. The Family Legal Advice Service provides free legal advice to people who qualify on the basis of their income, and Legal Aid may cover representation in court if you meet the criteria. Getting early advice often makes the whole process shorter and less painful.

When a parenting order is broken

A Parenting Order is binding, and the law expects both parents to follow it. If the other parent repeatedly breaches the order, for example by withholding contact, you can go back to the Family Court. The court has a range of responses, from admonishing the parent and varying the order through to, in serious cases, issuing a warrant to enforce the order so that the police or a social worker can help the child be returned to the right care. Intentionally breaching a Parenting Order without a reasonable excuse is also an offence, carrying up to three months imprisonment or a fine of up to $2,500, although the court’s first focus is always the child rather than punishment.

Enforcement is a last resort, and the court will always weigh what is best for the child rather than simply punishing a parent. If circumstances have genuinely changed, the better route is often to apply to vary the order rather than fight over the old one.

The practical playbook

One. Put the children first, on paper. Try to agree a parenting plan that focuses on what works for the kids, not on winning.

Two. Do the Parenting Through Separation course. It is free, useful, and usually required before court anyway.

Three. Try Family Dispute Resolution. It is now free, with up to 12 hours of mediation, and it resolves most disputes.

Four. Get free legal advice. Use the Family Legal Advice Service if you qualify, before things escalate.

Five. Apply for a Parenting Order if you must. If agreement and mediation fail, apply on notice, with a fee waiver if you need one.

Six. Act urgently only in a real emergency. If a child is at risk or may be taken, a without notice application is available, and so is a Protection Order.

Free help when you need it

• Ministry of Justice family pages for the forms, the parenting plan template, and how to find FDR and Parenting Through Separation providers.
• Community Law Centres for free legal help and a detailed family law manual.
• Citizens Advice Bureau on 0800 367 222 for free, confidential guidance.
• Are You OK on 0800 456 450 for family violence information and support.

Frequently asked questions

Who gets custody of a child in New Zealand

New Zealand no longer uses the word custody. It talks about day-to-day care, which is who the child lives with, and this can be shared between parents. There is no automatic rule that care goes to the mother or the father. The court decides on the basis of the child’s welfare and best interests, taking the child’s own views into account.

Is Family Dispute Resolution free in New Zealand

Yes. Since 1 July 2025, Family Dispute Resolution mediation is free for everyone, fully funded by the Ministry of Justice, with up to 12 hours of support available. It used to be means tested, but the cost barrier has been removed.

Do I need a lawyer to sort out care of my children

Not for agreeing a parenting plan or going through Family Dispute Resolution, which are designed to be used without lawyers. For a contested court case, legal help is valuable, and the free Family Legal Advice Service or Legal Aid may cover it if you qualify on income. The court will usually appoint an independent Lawyer for the Child as well.

Can I stop the other parent taking our child overseas

Where the child lives, including overseas, is a guardianship decision that both guardians must agree on. If you fear the child will be taken out of New Zealand without your consent, you can apply to the Family Court without notice for an order preventing removal, and ask for a border alert so that border staff are notified. The order on its own does not automatically flag the border, so the alert must be requested too. Act quickly and get advice.

What happens if the other parent breaks a parenting order

A Parenting Order is binding. If the other parent repeatedly breaches it, you can return to the Family Court, which can vary the order or, in serious cases, issue a warrant to enforce it. The court always focuses on the child’s best interests rather than punishing a parent, so if circumstances have changed, applying to vary the order is often the better path.

Is 50 50 care the default in New Zealand

There is no automatic default. Neither parent starts ahead, and care is decided on what is in the child’s best interests. Shared care, sometimes close to equal, is common, but the right arrangement depends on the child, the parents’ circumstances and the practicalities, not a fixed formula.

Can grandparents get contact with a grandchild in New Zealand

Yes. Grandparents and other significant adults in a child’s life can apply to the Family Court for contact, and in some cases day-to-day care, usually with the court’s leave. As with everything in this area, the court decides on the basis of the child’s welfare and best interests.

Have you been through the care of children process in New Zealand? Share what helped in the comments below.